I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
