Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
