OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
