This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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