i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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