I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
