the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
