Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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