im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't notice because vodka
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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