I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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