wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
