I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
