Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
