1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
