You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
