did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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