I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
