there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
