In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
