I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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