this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
