this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
