i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
