Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
