I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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