Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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