I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
