Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
