We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
