The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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