? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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