so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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