guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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