there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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