PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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