The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize