you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
