sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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