Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
