There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I could fuck to npr.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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