I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it's great music for shaving your balls
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize