Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This gyro tastes like lonliness
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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