We won't sleep together?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
