so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
