your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize