My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
literally had 100 drinks last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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