yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
