Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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