maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
