something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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