Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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