It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
