remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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