He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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