I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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