In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
