Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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