I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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