peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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