At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
