You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
