Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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