So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
