he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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