Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
