My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
