he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
