if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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